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photo: Teresa Dalsager |
Wayne Scott's essay "Two Open Marriages in One Small Room" appeared in the New York Times and was featured on the Modern Love podcast. His writing has appeared in the Sun, Huffington Post, and Poets and Writers and he contributes regularly to the Psychotherapy Networker. A writer and psychotherapist, he teaches, works with people in unconventional relationships, and lives with his partner in Portland, Ore. The Maps They Gave Us: One Marriage Reimagined (Black Lawrence Press, February 22, 2025) is a memoir that celebrates the creative possibilities of intimate relationships, a Will and Grace with kids, cats, and a mortgage.
Handsell readers your book in 25 words or less:
A quirky marital therapist casually mentions "open marriage" to a couple on the verge of divorce, post-infidelity, and they fall in love again.
On your nightstand now:
Map: Collected and Last Poems by Wisława Szymborska. Big book, small nightstand. "Four A.M." is my favorite poem to read at, well, 4 a.m.: "The hour of cool drafts from extinguished stars."
Favorite book when you were a child:
As a pre-teen I read Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House books. As soon as my grandmother saw I was finishing one, she bought me the next. Later, as an adult, I read the eye-opening "real" story, Pioneer Girl: The Annotated Autobiography, edited by Pamela Smith Hill, based on Wilder's rough drafts, which includes the backstory of violent Indigenous erasure. Sadly, I would not give the series to my kids because of the degree of historical falseness--so much sentimental brainwashing.
Your top five authors:
Nikita Gill, Melissa Febos, Garth Greenwell, Ocean Vuong, Lidia Yuknavitch.
Book you've faked reading:
I mean, I mostly read, or looked like I was reading, or stared at, James Joyce's Ulysses. The parts I understood helped me appreciate his destabilizing impact on Modernists like Virginia Woolf and D.H. Lawrence, whom I adore.
Book you're an evangelist for:
One book I always recommend to psychotherapists just learning the job is Joy Harjo's Poet Warrior. A transformational book on healing and spiritual growth, it explores healing from an intuitive indigenous perspective that's forgotten in contemporary white-centered research-driven literature.
Book you've bought for the cover:
Well, I didn't buy it just for the cover, because I love his writing, but I was enraptured by the cover of Paul Lisicky's Song So Wild and Blue: A Life with the Music of Joni Mitchell. I've been to concerts in the Gorge Amphitheatre, and I worship Joni and cannot believe how much loveliness the book designer captured in one balanced image.
Book you hid from your parents:
My parents would have confiscated Flora Rheta Schreiber's Sybil if they knew I had it at 13. Not only did I read about graphically sadistic child abuse--in comparison, my parents with their loud ways seemed so tame--but I resolved that I wanted to become a psychotherapist like Dr. Wilbur and work with people with multiple personalities (and play Scrabble with them in my downtime, like she did). In the '90s, I worked as a social worker on a psychiatric unit for folks with dissociative identity disorder.
Of course, in Sybil Exposed, Debbie Nathan said it was all a lie. She had access to Dr. Wilbur's files and discovered that the diagnosis had been fabricated to bolster the doctor's reputation. All the cool psychiatrists had a client like Sybil. I had to revise everything I thought when I was a teenager.
Book that changed your life:
When the girlfriend-who-became-my-spouse and I met, we bonded over a shared love of Adrienne Rich. We exchanged quotes and books, traded volumes of poetry, even used one poem in our wedding. "The Dream of a Common Language," about the beginning of Rich's relationship with Michelle Cliff, gave us new language for thinking about what it means to be in love with someone in a dangerous world.
Favorite line from a book:
"The heaventree of stars hung with humid nightblue fruit." --from James Joyce's Ulysses. See.
Five books you'll never part with:
I'm never parting with any of my books. Seriously. Just look at my office.
Book you most want to read again for the first time:
I've read James Baldwin's Giovanni's Room many times. An almost perfect novel, with breathtaking, revelatory sex. Its fearlessness in its exploration of sexual identity under oppressive conditions continues to astound me, and he was writing in the 1950s. I wish I could re-experience the heart-pounding inspiration from reading it for the first time.
Book that explained another person to you:
My dad abandoned us when I was 14 without any explanation, even when later he returned to our lives. When I read the dog-eared paperback on his nightstand, Jack Schaefer's cowboy western Shane (which was also a film and mandatory viewing when I was a boy), I felt like I was reading the blueprint for his mysterious life. Shane's secrecy is celebrated, he pridefully doesn't ever explain who he is or where he comes from, and he deserts a boy who worships him without apology. "A man is what he is... and there's no breaking the mold. I tried that and I've lost." That was the role model. It was sobering but also eye-opening. Also, I'm pretty sure Shane was gay, if you track the subtext.
Book that saved your life:
In 1987, during a horrific pandemic, when I was waiting two weeks for my HIV test results, when I also happened to have a terrible cold that didn't respond to medication, I pored over Audre Lorde's The Cancer Journals, an intimate journal of her battle with breast cancer and the politics of disease. Put a sensitive poet in an impossibly painful predicament, where she doubted she would live, and out comes a survival genius. "If I can look directly at my life and my death without flinching, I know there is nothing they can ever do to me again." Her words blazed during a dark, scary waiting period. It was a stab of adrenalized brilliance that made me think I could keep going.
Book that helped you understand the current global mess:
I read Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace as part of an online book group, hosted by Yiyun Li and A Public Space, during the quarantine phase of the pandemic. It was sustaining to immerse myself in this vividly rendered long-gone world that was turning topsy-turvy like mine. There were so many parallels between the shock of Napoleon's invasion of Russia in 1812 and what was going on in the United States in 2020, and now.