In Joshua Jennifer Espinoza's undaunted fourth poetry collection, I Don't Want to Be Understood, transgender identity allows for reinvention but also entails fear of physical and legislative violence.
Two poems, both entitled "Airport Ritual," articulate panic during a security pat-down on the way to visit family. In the first, a woman quells her apprehension by imagining a surreal outcome: her genitals expand infinitely, "tearing through her clothes and revealing an amorphous blob of cosmic energy." In the second, the speaker chants the reassuring mantra, "I am not afraid." "Makeup Ritual" vacillates between feminism and conformity; "I don't even leave the house unless/ I've had time to build a world on my face/ and make myself palatable/ for public consumption." Makeup is "your armor," Espinoza writes in "You're Going to Die Today," as she describes the terror she feels toward the negative attention she receives when she walks her dog without wearing it. The murders of trans people lead the speaker to picture her own in "Game Animal." Violence can be less literal and more insidious, but just as harmful, as in a reference to "the day the government announced another plan to strip a few/ more basic rights from trans people."
Words build into stanzas, prose paragraphs, a zigzag line, or cross-hatching. Espinoza (I'm Alive. It Hurts. I Love It.) likens the body to a vessel for traumatic memories: "time is a body full of damage// that is constantly trying to forget." Alliteration and repetition construct litanies of rejection but, ultimately, of hope: "When I call myself a woman I am praying." --Rebecca Foster, freelance reviewer, proofreader and blogger at Bookish Beck