Theresa Okokon's wry, poignant memoir-in-essays, Who I Always Was, reflects on being the daughter of African immigrants to the U.S.; her hopeful and often frustrating romantic adventures; and the persistent murkiness surrounding not only her father's death--in Nigeria when Okokon was nine--but also his life. These sharp, insightful pieces detail Okokon's experiences growing up as a Black girl in Wisconsin (and constantly being othered), as well as her mother's attempts to protect and nourish the four children she raised alone after her husband's death. Okokon recounts mazelike conversations with family members about her father, and examines the ways her father's absence has affected her growth and personal identity. "My father's death, quite simply and endlessly complicatedly, is just part of my life," she notes. This paradoxical truth underpins Okokon's narrative: she is and is not a product of her father's death, just as her choices and her adult life are and are not a direct result of her childhood and teenage years.
Elsewhere, Okokon pokes gentle fun at her own teenage rebellion, recounts dating disasters from various eras of her life, and considers her struggle to fully inhabit her own Blackness without apology. She celebrates her deep bond with her immediate family, while also honoring the life she has built apart from them, as a single woman. Who I Always Was is a witty, moving exploration of identity, family secrets, and one woman's search for love and acceptance in all its forms. --Katie Noah Gibson, blogger at Cakes, Tea and Dreams