"Do you have a public restroom?" If there's a question booksellers hear more often than that one, I'm not sure what it is ("Where's your nonfiction section?" Not even close). And yet, I've been attending industry trade shows for more than two decades without ever seeing a panel devoted to independent bookstores and their public bathroom strategies.
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| The Wall of Fame at Quail Ridge Books | |
Do we simply choose not to talk about it? I don't know, but I've been privy (pun intended) to numerous discussions with booksellers and other retailers over the years about the topic, especially when a new bookstore is in the works or an older one is being renovated.
I should mention that full credit/blame for this week's column goes to Pamela Grath, owner of Dog Ears Books, Northport, Mich. On Sunday, she e-mailed me the following: "Operating a bookstore is a continual learning experience. This year I've figured out that people do not have bathrooms on their Kindles."
Was I intrigued? Of course. "What's the backstory?" I asked. "There must have been an incident?"
"A series of incidents, none interesting enough to recount," Grath replied. "I'm sure you can imagine the general trend."
For the record, Amazon has not perfected a Kindle digital bathroom, though I'm sure they have a patent pending somewhere.
And while BEA seminars may be AWOL, bookstore bathrooms do occasionally make news:
- Reporting for us during her 18,000-mile author tour for Cover of Snow, Jenny Milchman noted "the lofty company of all the authors who have come to this bookstore--and who are on display in the bathroom" at Quail Ridge Books, Raleigh, N.C.
- Avid Bookshop, Athens, Ga., has a bathroom Door O' Fame.
- Indie booksellers have been known to gather in a bathroom for post-event photo ops.
- The "Bookstore Lady" once offered a stern indie etiquette lesson to a showroomer: "And really, you should use the bathroom before you leave home."
- A sign in a closing Borders store read: "No Restrooms. Try Amazon."
- Bookmans, Tucson, Ariz., earned an unofficial "Best Bookstore Bathroom" award.
- World Book Night shared a photo of "the bathroom of the quirky Albion Beatnik Bookstore in Oxford."
- And who can forget the infamous "toilet book" scene from Seinfeld?
On Books & Biblios even considered the dubious retail implications of bathroom shelving: "It does prompt one to consider the boundaries of private and public, of the personalized home space and that of what your clients see.... I'm still scratching my head at the anomalous nature of this place. It has beautifully crafted shelves, and a broad and intelligent selection of books. But selling books in your bathroom?"
What have I learned about bookstore restrooms after all these years?
There are certain retail design rules, the primary one being that whenever possible, you should locate your public restroom in the back of the store, so customers have to pass by as many books as possible along the way.
And there are staff hierarchical considerations when the inevitable happens and the door of your bookstore's public restroom sports the always unwelcoming "Out of Order" sign, which can indicate a range of possible issues, from basic plumbing 101 to, well, let's just say... No, let's not.
I should confess that I took full advantage of reverse hierarchy when I worked as a frontline bookseller. Whenever a "bathroom issue" was brought to my attention that required more than restocking paper supplies, I kicked it upstairs to the highest-ranking person in the store at that moment, using the always effective argument: "We're really busy!" Since I happened to work in an indie with a large staff, I could get away with deferring. Most booksellers don't have that luxury.
Bookstore bathrooms can also be a shoplifter's best friend. During the late '90s, some kids (presumably) were stealing our CDs using the bathroom drop method. One muscially-inclined culprit stashed the plastic security encased discs in a cabinet under the sink, then an accomplice subsequently cracked them open and made a hasty exit. Once aware of the plot, our floor manager extracted the evidence from the cabinet and left a note: "We have your CDs on hold at the front desk. Please feel free to stop by anytime and ask for them." End of crime wave.
Maybe we should discuss all this. "Is Your Bookstore Bathroom Shoplifter-Proof?" Now that would be one hell of a BEA/ABA educational session. Or "Bookstore Restrooms: Too Clean for Your Own Good?" Or "Bookstore Bathrooms: There's No App for That."
I can already imagine BEA attendees asking for directions: "Where's the panel on bookstore restrooms?" And the inevitable response: "Room 1E07, second door on your left." --Robert Gray, contributing editor