Kristen Millares Young is a journalist and author of the novel Subduction. In her new memoir, Desire Lines, she recounts her discovery of a ferocious ancient Roman mother goddess named Cybele and explores the remarkable parallels between her life and Cybele's mythical portrayal. In this conversation, she considers the value in challenging powerful, coercive narratives while retaining a willingness to be astonished.
The Writer's Life
Kristen Millares Young: A Willingness to Be Astonished
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Kristen Millares Young
(photo: Chona Kasinger)
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Kristen Millares Young is a Seattle-based journalist and novelist whose acclaimed debut novel, Subduction, won the Independent Publisher Book Award. Her work has appeared in the Washington Post, the New York Times, the Guardian, Literary Hub, and the Rumpus, and in the anthologies Latina Outsiders and Alone Together, winner of the 2021 Washington State Book Award. In Young's memoir, Desire Lines (Red Hen Press; reviewed in this issue), she recounts her discovery of a ferocious and powerful ancient Roman mother goddess named Cybele and explores the remarkable parallels between her life and Cybele's mythical portrayal.
Tell us about the process of completing this intensely personal project.
It was one of the most arduous journeys I have ever taken. If I had known that I was going to write a memoir, I would not have become a writer. It goes against everything that was instilled in me to actually vocalize the truth of my life. The truths of women's lives have been suppressed for millennia in order to retain an image for a family structure, a patriarchal structure, or societal structure. Women are supposed to act as publicists for our families and the institutions to which we are attached, whether or not we have been served by them. So just making the decision to tell this story was very difficult.
I just finished narrating the audiobook and recently completed a Spanish-language translation with Majel Reyes Quesada, a seven-month collaboration. Each time I go through the manuscript, it is a deep emotional investment, a commitment to myself. It's taxing, frankly. I am glad to hear you say that the pacing of revelation and the emotional cadence allowed you to move through the text with ease. Because, of course, the worry is that the pain will drive someone away. But there is a lot of joy in the book, too, and that's the truth of my life.
The process of writing the book brought me peace. I feel much more peace than when I began. With each revision I had to feel it, again and again and again. I go through a lot of drafts, I'm like the sea tumbling that rock forever!
What impact did your writing of Desire Lines have on your family?
I am estranged from my parents. The process had already begun as I became a mother, with another reckoning over the facts of my childhood--coming to understand how deeply flawed the logic had been when applying frameworks to decision-making regarding my life and safety. My parents are just not willing to have any kind of conversation about it. Rather than valuing my presence in their lives or the presence of my children, they would rather have a sanitized version of who they are and who they have been to me.
I know there are a lot of people who sustain relationships with authority figures or former authority figures who require silence as a condition of belonging, but I found it too great a strain to remain in relation to that falsity. I don't feel safe with them around my children, in part because I know they really need to insist on this counter-narrative, which is essentially that my socioeconomic privilege rendered all others harms to my being as moot.
I am deeply grateful for the education I received, and I value many of the things that they taught me, but at some point I had to make a decision whether I was willing to accept that erasure in order to belong. I decided it felt too much like self-abandonment for me to allow it. I simply won't allow myself to be treated badly. As a woman, once you make the decision that you won't accept ill treatment, it really clarifies a lot of paths.
How do you navigate your socioeconomic privilege?
Privilege is about obligation. If you have privilege, then you have an obligation to put it to work. As a reporter and book critic, I have spent several decades trying to give voice to peoples who have been underserved, marginalized communities, BIPOC writers and women who have been hurt by people around them, and environments which have been degraded by disregard. It's not a lucrative career, yet it's one where, when I look back, I'll say that my heart was in the right place. I was not just pursuing profits or accolades. I was doing deeper work that is meaningful. When you are deliberately not aligning yourself with the most powerful, then you become an existential threat. You have shown that there is no amount of coercion that can co-opt your engagement. Those kinds of women are very dangerous.
Where does Cybele, the mother goddess in your memoir, fit into your life?
What Cybele did for me as a thinker was show me how much astonishment still remains beneath the facts of what I thought I knew. It encourages me not to accept the easy narrative, the easy read of something.
Virgin worship in my family is very real. The Virgin Mary was everywhere. My abuela painted her so many times. In some ways, I wish I had known as a girl that there was Cybele, this powerful, ferocious figure beneath the Virgin Mary, that was the animating force for the icon, but I am open to being surprised. I want to stay curious about the world. It's very easy at this time in our history to close off because there's so much bad news coming in, and yet the world is wondrous. If I can continue to find astonishment, then I am happy to get old.
There are many thinkers, like Clarissa Pinkola Estés, for example, who as a Jungian analyst has always looked for the symbology beneath patriarchal tellings of fables. It's comforting to know that these truths endure, even though it can also be disconcerting to realize how sustained the effort has been to erase women's sexuality, our power, our intellect, our contributions.
I am not a religious person, but I do understand religion as the human art of answering mystery. So, to realize that there is still so much dark matter in what I thought was a known universe, it's actually encouraging. I will say that the reckoning with centuries and millennia of patriarchal oppression can get a bit heavy. But you find these other thinkers, and they are like beacons on this journey. There's this warmth and light there, and it makes all the cold and the darkness worthwhile--the lift of your heart when you meet another mind like that. --Shahina Piyarali